Wednesday, 2 December 2015

The Things You Learn...

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Let's be honest, when I first began to think about wanting to start my own family back in 2012 I had no idea of what I was actually getting myself in for. There was so much about trying to conceive and pregnancy itself that I had never even begun to consider. All I knew was I wanted a baby and I wanted one now.

Of course, I didn't get one then and I still don't have one now but since then I have learnt so much about trying to conceive and my body.

I won't go into the nitty gritty of it all. I'm not sure that everyone that has been dropping by here is really interested in the anatomical goings on of trying to conceive. Nor do I really fancy getting that personal on this blog. Well, not yet anyway. Not while we are still warming up to each other and while this whole being open about trying to start a family malarkey is new to me. For now, I don't think you need to know all the details.

I'm a believer that knowledge is power and with being an anxious sort of person I like to prepare myself thoroughly before I begin any new endeavour. During the years that I was waiting for the husband to be ready I researched a lot. I found forums and websites packed full of information that has helped me along this journey. Of course, words on a screen or a book can never fully prepare you for any of this but I do think that it has helped me a lot.

While on this journey to (hopefully) parenthood, I discovered that ditching the contraceptives doesn't equate to TTC in some people's eyes. In fact, solely ditching the contraceptives and seeing where things end up is often considered "not trying, not preventing" (NTNP). This was the first thing I was to learn. You see in my naive mind I thought not using contraception was essentially trying for a baby. Apparently not. Apparently really trying for a baby involves ovulation predictor kits (OPKs), temping, charting and checking other bodily signs that we aren't going to discuss yet. Maybe I'll save all that for another day.

What I will say is that consciously trying for a baby (or NTNP) has made me hyper aware of what is going on in my body. I'm so in tune with it nowadays that it's insane. I feel every little niggle, I'm immediately aware if something doesn't feel right  when I would never have noticed it before. I guess when there are so many symptoms of ovulation and pregnancy that you become heightened to every sensation within your body easily - especially when driven by the desire to have a baby.

It isn't just what has been going on with me physically that I have learnt a lot about but also how the body works in general. It's amazing just how little you are truly taught about growing up. The myth of if you have sex without protection you will get pregnant that is fed to us in schools is nothing more than just that: a myth. It's all about timing, your fertility, his fertility and even just a little bit of luck. It won't necessarily happen immediately, the first and only time that you have sex. Of course, it could but it's pretty unlikely that one time will lead to a baby - although they do say that it only takes one time.

I feel like I've learnt a lot during my experience of TTC and my three short-lived pregnancies but I still have an awful lot more to learn, to experience. Everyone's bodies are different. Everyone's pregnancies will be different. Things that will happen to someone else during pregnancy won't necessarily happen to me and vice versa. That's why researching and reading can only tell you so much.

I guess I've just got to really experience it for myself.

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