Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Facing Christmas After Losses

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Christmas is one of my absolute favourite times of the year. It's hard not to get caught up in the festivities when there is so much good food, presents and family time. Those are some of my favourite things right there! This year, however, is tinged with just a hint of sadness for what could have been, what was meant to have been.

I have already passed the due dates of two of my pregnancies and whilst I know that I shouldn't I cannot help but think about how I should be about to celebrate baby's first Christmas. I should be able to walk through the shops and pick up that oh-so-cute outfit or those adorable toys knowing that I have a little one to give it to but I can't because I don't. At the very least I was meant to be almost 28 weeks pregnant with pregnancy number three, almost into third trimester but instead I'm sat here wondering if and when it'll ever happen.

Christmas is one of those times that for me is all about family. The husband, dog and I make sure to visit both sides of our family equally over the Christmas period, including splitting Christmas Day up so that no one's feeling get hurt. At first it was strange for me but now I love it. I love being surrounded by all of those that we hold closest to our hearts. This year I'll just be missing three of them. This year I won't get to share it with my new little family, nor will I have the promise of my little family growing in my stomach, like I had thought I would. That sucks.

It's easy to fall down the trap of thinking "if it had all gone well then..." or "if only we had been quicker in identifying the problem then..." The thing is no matter how much I wish things had been different I cannot do anything to change how things are right now. All I can do is hope that 2016 will tell a very different story but we'll just have to wait and see. 

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts 
we'd all have a merry Christmas."

1 comment:

  1. Debi I can't even begin to imagine how you feel my love but my heart goes out to you. xx

    ReplyDelete

 

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